


Something Normal

by FujinoLover



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, F/F, Murder Wives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-07 18:50:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FujinoLover/pseuds/FujinoLover
Summary: Eve, Villanelle, and baby makes three.





	Something Normal

‘ _just be yourself_ ’

Villanelle made a face at the text despite the cute selfie it was tagged to. She didn’t think being herself was the best option at the moment, not when she had at least three half made personalities she could slip into and elaborate further as necessary. But this was their date night. Nevertheless, she pocketed her phone and soldiered through. The excitement fluttering in her stomach muted everything else.

“Honey, I’m home,” she called out with a snicker while taking her shoes off by the foyer. There was no reply. In fact, it was way quieter than she had expected. Putting a hand in her pocket, she toyed with the hilt of her switchblade as she walked deeper into the house. Her steps were light as a cat’s on the floorboards. “Eve?”

“Over here!”

Hearing the distress in Eve’s voice, Villanelle rushed through the dim hall and into the living room. Her knife glinted under the bright light. Eve looked up from the diaper she was trying to take off from the baby and gave her a disapproving frown from her spot sitting on the floor.

“I thought you are in trouble.” Villanelle didn’t even bother to feign sheepishness. Her nose scrunched when she was hit by the smell of fresh poop. “You _are_ in trouble.”

“I’m sorry, who wanted to do something normal for date nights?” Eve bit back. “Whose baby is this again?”

Villanelle grinned, puffing her chest despite Eve’s obvious exhaustion and the chaos that used to be the living room. The furniture was all pushed to the side to house a makeshift futon made of folded blankets for the baby. There was a half-eaten bowl of ramen on the coffee table, empty wine bottle snuggling against the cushions, and dirty tissues littered the floor. Villanelle was away only for the day.

“You’re still my baby too.”

With that being said, Villanelle got on her knees, greeted Eve with a peck on the cheek and wrapped her in her arms. Eve melted into the embrace. She wanted to slump against her and tuned out the rest of the world for an unforeseeable future, but alas, they had a situation with a stinky baby at hand. It was a miracle he hadn’t cried yet. Judging from the noises he made, though, he didn’t like not being the center of the attention—just like Villanelle.

Eve held her breath, frozen on her spot as Villanelle lay a sure hand on the baby’s chest, ceasing his squirming and made a quick work of cutting off the sides of the diaper with her knife. Once he was freed, she leaned back with a gag and he wiggled again, hands reaching for the shiny toy that was still in her grasp. Eve knew he was too young to comprehend that knife could hurt him, but his fascination with the blade was unsettling. As was the fact that Villanelle had used it on him.

“What?” Villanelle asked after putting her knife back to where it belonged. Eve continued to stare at her. “I’m just being myself.”

“You’re impossible,” Eve said, shaking her head but there was a ghost of a smile on her lips. She went back to work on changing the baby’s diaper. “Oh Jesus.”

Eve shoved the bundled dirty diaper into Villanelle’s direction, who dodged the assault faster than she had ever seen before. She skidded to the other side of the baby, a horrified look on her face. Eve rolled her eyes, crawling to the trash can by the TV. When she turned back, Villanelle was making faces at the baby, who was cooing in delight. Of course he fancied her over Eve.

“You look like a naked turkey,” Villanelle said, poking at his tummy. He laughed. “With tiny carrot penis.”

Whatever fondness swelling in Eve’s chest died after that statement. She took a new diaper and a bunch of wet tissue. Turning him left and then right, she cleaned him up before putting on the new diaper. When it was done and his footies was fixed back in place, she pushed him into Villanelle. She half expected her to drop him, but she manipulated his body around as easy as twirling a blade. In seconds, she had him propped up with a hand under his bum and his head on her shoulder. It was as if she had done it a thousand times before.

Eve was mesmerized by the ease of Villanelle’s movement. “You look…normal.”

Villanelle preened at the compliment. “Yeah?” Her tone was low and her stare seared Eve’s skin. “You know what else is normal on date nights?”

Eve persisted. “We are not doing that right now.”

“Later?”

“Later.” Eve blinked, looking away from Villanelle and got up on her feet. She knew if she stayed any longer then _later_ would become _right now_ and she didn’t feel like being watched by a baby. “I’m going to take a bath.” Before Villanelle could offer her assistance, she added, “Can you make dinner tonight? We shouldn’t attract unnecessary attention.”

Villanelle sighed, closing her eyes and tilting her head back with utter exasperation. Such a drama queen. “I suppose I should,” she said.

Eve took a moment longer; lingering to make sure Villanelle had set the baby down before she went digging for ingredients in the fridge. Villanelle waved her off with the sausages she took out and then Eve was on her way. At least she trusted that Villanelle wouldn’t put the ‘turkey with carrot penis’ in the oven.

Once the tub was filled, Eve sank into the warm water with a sigh. The day had been nerve-wracking. She almost got caught with the baby earlier. It would have been a disaster, even though Villanelle would have fun playing as a lawyer to pick her up from jail. Such thought really shouldn’t send a shot of thrill through Eve’s spine, yet it did.

There was no blood caked on her nails when she raised her hands above the water. The plain rose gold ring (her Dubai ring and yes, she named her jewelries after the city Villanelle gifted it to her) glistened on her left hand and she couldn’t stop the smile from breaking on her face. About two years had passed since they got married for the first time.

It was a spur of the moment thing while they were in Vegas (because _Eve_ , What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas. _Have you not watched that movie?_ and Villanelle was dressed up as Elvis and it was too much for Eve when she got on one knee while singing _Can’t Help Falling in Love_ ). And then they got married again in London. And Taipei, Mexico City, Johannesburg, and Sao Paulo. Eve joked that it became a hobby, getting married in every country they legally could. Villanelle took it seriously. They had a suitcase full of marriage certificates and the fake IDs that go along with it.

Despite their insane life, they kept doing date nights. Dinners, watching Villanelle do her fun job, or simply curling up on the couch to watch movies. It became their thing, something normal they did every other weekend. Eve couldn’t possibly compete with the extravagant dates Villanelle set up, but there were things she learned from her previous job at MI5/MI6 that she could use to spice things up. She thought this one turned out to be great.

Fifteen minutes later, Eve came back with damp hair and stopped short on the doorway. Villanelle was drizzling honey on the sausages sizzling on the pan. The baby was sitting on the dining chair and babbling as he clawed at his face. Eve wasn’t sure which one was more distressing: the fact that Villanelle had tied him into the chair with a bed sheet or the new graying facial hair he had.

“Why does he have a beard?”

“Because his name is Konstantin.”

It was not, but Eve had a more important concern. “You didn’t feed him a sausage, did you?” She peeled off the fake moustache and beard slowly, looking out for any bits of evidence on the fake hair.

“Of course not!” Villanelle rolled her eyes, turning off the stove. She had poured the creamy sauce on the plates of pasta and added the sausages on the side. “Do you think I’m insane?”

Eve pinched a piece of sausage off his lap and raised a brow.

Villanelle was surprised. “How did he get it? He took it when I wasn’t looking?” She nodded, convinced by her own deduction even though Eve gave a pointed stare at the rest of the sausages, pilling on a plate in the middle of the dining table, too far from the baby’s reach. “He must be very hungry.”

The studied innocence Villanelle sported didn’t deter Eve’s stern glare. Eventually she sighed, dropping the piece on a paper napkin and wiped the slob sticking on her fingers on it. At most the baby had consumed some herbs and the honey Villanelle used on the sausages. It shouldn’t leave any permanent damage, as should this whole charade. She hoped so.

“Poor baby,” Villanelle said.

She picked the baby bottle out of the bowl of warm water and held it on his mouth. He suckled while she continued to move around him, handing out plates of pasta to Eve with the hand that wasn’t holding the baby bottle. It smelt amazing. Eve was almost pissed at how good Villanelle was with everything.

“Is there anything that you can’t do?”

“No.” Villanelle grinned. “I’m great at everything.”

Still, Eve huffed. More exasperated fondness than real annoyance. Dinner proceeded with no hitch, other than Villanelle moaning about the cheap wine. The baby finished his bottle and remained calm while the adults were eating. Villanelle distracted him every once in a while—or she just got distracted as usual, but both of them were entertained. Eve was so glad she chose him.

After drying the last dishes and putting them back to where they were, Eve found her phone on top of the fridge. It had been off since she sent the selfie to Villanelle, some sort of spoiler alert for their date night. Once she turned it on, her notifications were filled by two messages from her mother, a barrage of Amber alerts of a missing six month old boy, and a voicemail from Kenny.

Without looking up from the reply she was typing for her mother, she called out on Villanelle. “We gotta go.”

“What? Already?”

“Yeah. I told _eomma_ that we will be there early tomorrow morning.”

Villanelle whined, rolling on the floor of the living room so she and the baby were both on their stomach. It took everything in Eve to stay rooted on her spot. She knew if she made a move, just a step forward, it would snowballed down and she would join the two on the floor, just lying there watching them making silly faces at each other until they fell asleep and they would never leave. They really had to leave.

“Villanelle.”

Villanelle had the baby on her chest then, giving Eve the biggest puppy dog eyes with a slight pout. Eve did what she could, using her phone to snap a couple of pictures before putting it away with a sigh. She was getting better at resisting the charm, but it didn’t mean she didn’t kiss that pout away. It only meant she pried the baby’s hand out of her curls and tugged Villanelle’s off from her breast.

“Let’s go.”

“We don’t even get to have quiet PG-rated sex while the baby is asleep.”

Eve felt her eye twitched, but didn’t comment on how she was so not into that kind of thing.

“Oh well,” Villanelle said as she stood up, the baby still clinging on her chest. “I’m going to fuck you so hard _jang mo nim_ will hear us in her room.”

“Villanelle!”

Eve had colors on her cheeks, less because of Villanelle’s crude choice of word in front of the baby and more due to the idea of having her mother listening to her being screwed in her childhood bedroom. _That_ actually excited her. She couldn’t decide yet whether she should double the dose of her mother’s sleeping pills or replace it with placebo.

Villanelle smirked, she must have noted the dazed look. Eve was quick to raise her hand, stopping whatever Villanelle was going to say. “Let’s go. _Now_.” And then she stalked down the hall to where the bedroom was.

“Did you know how many semen stains are on this sheet? Eight.” Even as Villanelle said that with a disgusted face, she continued to wrap the baby in said bed sheet. “They haven’t changed it for weeks!”

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Eve had located a new sheet at the bottom of the closet and threw it over the bed. There was no need to put it on when the bed wasn’t even made when they got there. She stepped around the laundry scattered on the floor and traced her way back to the living room. Villanelle had pushed the furniture back to its previous place, dumped the blankets over the couch, and was waiting with the bundled baby on her arms.

“It gives us an advantage,” Eve said regarding the stains. She emptied the trash can next. The owners of the house they were ‘borrowing’ were out of town. They were a slob, they wouldn’t notice anything out of place, but Eve liked being careful. “Did you get the car I asked you?”

“Yep.”

“Have you checked the address I sent you?”

“I did. Relax. Everything is going to be perfect.”

They took both of the cars, Eve with the baby in their rental car and Villanelle ahead in the station wagon she stole from a local child predator earlier. After fifteen minutes of driving, they came to a stop a few houses down the street from the house Villanelle had checked out on Eve’s request. The lights were still on, but there wasn’t much activity inside, as expected. Villanelle had a dark jacket and a cap on. She jogged to their car across the street and knocked on the driver’s window.

“Hand it over.”

The baby was almost in Villanelle’s reach when Eve pulled him back. Putting him on the passenger seat, she unwrapped the sheet and stuck a wad of cash on the waistband of his diaper, for all the trouble he went through.

“Eve!” Villanelle gasped, scandalized. “He is not a stripper.”

Eve rolled her eyes, but handed the baby over through the window. She was pleased to see Villanelle also had her gloves on as she fixed the sheet around the baby. There was a ball of nerve in her guts, swirling around with a heavy weight of anxiety while she watched Villanelle walked to the house. She couldn’t see her well until she reached the lightened porch, taking her sweet time to set the baby in front of the door.

Villanelle felt Eve’s eyes on her, knew how anxious she was and how that would explode into another amazing sex very soon. She took out the fake beard from her pocket and stuck it around the baby’s face.

“ _Annyeong_ , baby.” She poked his chubby cheek, making him squeal some more. “Thanks for playing.”

Just before she skipped off, she pinched his cheek. Her sudden disappearance and the pain were enough to send him wailing. Villanelle was back in the safety of their car when the door of the house jerked open and a shocked old woman stepped out, immediately cradling the crying baby in her arms.

“She is nice to him,” Villanelle said.

“Of course she is. She’s his grandmother, I told you that when I sent the address.”

The little _oh_ Villanelle let out made Eve wonder if she really had checked out the house beforehand. “I will miss him,” Villanelle added as they pulled off the curb. Their headlight remained off until they were two blocks away. Apparently Eve was a natural in kidnapping. “I’m picking the next kid for date night.”

“No, you’re not. I’m done with kids.”

Villanelle pouted, but then brightened just as fast. “We can try making one ourselves.”

Eve didn’t bother to explain how impossible it was without a donor or how Villanelle was still such a kid herself. She only swatted off her wandering hand from her thigh and promised her _later_ , on her too-small-for-two-persons bed in her too-pink bedroom with her mother sleeping right downstairs. Villanelle laughed in delight, swearing that she would make Eve scream, and she really did. Thank God for sleeping pills.


End file.
